What Is In my Heart

I just want to stop crying... Now if only i could

1.starcharmer 
2.    talaisan 
3.palemaiden 
4. alucardsinatas 
5. pezz_demon 
6.yentai .
7. bluepapermate 
8. raven_gypsy 
9 saberwind (not like we don't anyways!)
10. kara_called 
11. wut_iz_real 
12. catwitch1987 
13.divas 
14. unico_love  (you are alot more then me!)
15.entropicurity (because id be amused for hours!)
16. webkat 
17.mistressiris (she has the spirit of one and the heart of one)
18. denton_k_c (of star wars!)
19. hezakiah (of getting things done).
20. ques_nova .
21. tomboy_lady 
22. ddrdaemon 
23. palemaiden  (id try at least!)
24. palemaiden ddrdaemon talaisan catwitch1987 pezz_demon 
25.rowena_falkirk  (hey who says it has to be romantic)
26. I see you!

Ok i have a bit of a survey i need some help with. It is for an education class. What i need is parents who have kids in school K - 12th grade to answer a few questions. The help would be greatly appricated... If you would like to help me could you please email me at c_ored@yahoo.com so that i can forward you the survey. Thank you!
Momma

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

 The Next Question is this then....

                 Do I want to Share it?!

                            I think Maybe I will .......   NAH!!!

My Personality

Neuroticism	21
Extraversion	76
Openness to Experience	77
Agreeableness	57
Conscientiousness	56

You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up, however you are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You strive hard to achieve excellence. Your drive to be recognized as successful keeps you on track toward your lofty goals. You often have a strong sense of direction in life, but may sometimes be too single-minded and obsessed with your work.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. The best Myspace Layouts

( my valentine postbox )

Well i had my first crack at teaching a classroom full of kids not much younger than me. Needless to say i was a little nervous. It was kind of a off all a spur of a moment because we were going to cancel class because Tammie was gone but she has two interns. Myself and Will, and both of us are suppose to graduate soon. *Shudders*  One problem we found though, we have two different teaching styles.  He is more of a critical approach to literature where im more a reader's response kind of person.. Well we wung it. And i do mean wung it... We had them just write while we tired to come up with a plan. The best plan we could come up with was split them into groups them have them tell us about each of the main characters. How they were different, how they were alike, What caused them to be as such, ext. Needless to say it was kinf o fun. In the end of it all im not sure we really got anything done. Just kind of had it go with it. But i must go and student tutor. That and i have to be off. 

Lets see how well i can wing it next time.
Momma

Well today is the first day of class. i missed my first class already today because of my doc appointment. I have been given a clean bill of health though we are not allowed to try again until after feb. So my goal is to loose 10 pounds by the end of this next month. i am glad that school started then because then i have free access to the gym!

The holidays were hectic as it usually is. I swear i have ever toy imaginable that makes noise. And oh boy do they make noise. I made out pretty well. Mostly clothes and a few books (many that i have already finished), I bought a few things for myself as well. Alot of clothes lol. The biggest thing i got for Xmas was that my mom paided for my tattoo. It was alot of fun though i defionally don't think that i will be getting another one any time soon. (FReakiNG PAinfuL)

Things are ok i guess. We are looking to buy a house we started the process.  The first thing we did was go and apply for a morgage. HELL they want alot of "good" things from you as people. Heck they want to make sure i have a history or working two jobs just so im not trying to just get a better chance at a morgage. *bleh* though the good thing about it is that this will be our first house. PAINTING PARTY at My house :D. Well not yet we have to find a house first. I have thought and thought about things about what i want in a house and i think i have came up with a pretty good list.

3-4 Bedroom (this is majorly important to us because well there are three of us and then we have Xander. Granted Tal and i Share a room and hell Kitty is usually curled up on the other side of me in the bed. But my thing is we need something for a Xander room and then we are looking in March to have anothere baby and for hells sake i want to be able to design a nursery!!)

Bathroom-- Im ok with one, but 1.5 or 2 would be just fine too. Im willing to compromise on this one.

Yard-- This im not willing to give up. I want to be able to have somewhere that Xander can go out in play. I want to have a freaking BBQ!!!!

A nice size kitchen as well i want somewhere i can entertain as well as cook. THough a dishwasher would be a bonus though not essental because i do have my portable. :D

Those are really all the things i want in a house. Other then that, i cant think of anything else really. Im just nervous.. I know there are alot of good programs out there that will help us first time homebuyers and i have some really good credit.. Heck i only had two bad things on my credit and that was because of the freaking Virginia Medicade. But we are fighting that one and ill be damned if im going to pay them. *grumbles* i will win this battle.

There are a few things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. My mom said she would co-sign for a house for me but i have to live by her conditions. That means keep a beautiful house, nothing outside of its place (I have a two year old do you know how hard that is going to be) then there is the fact that I don't live with my mom anymore. Granted my house isnt always clean but its not a pig stye either. We live in a comfortable disoray.  Not like there is mold growing on my walls or anything like that.  I don't know. I know that kitty says i can't let my mom rule my life. But does it sound like she is trying too?......

There you have an update.. ill try to get a better picture up soon. Hopefully and ill have more of xander later.
Pretty Little THing

Comment and I will:

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ

  Momma  And Baby Dragon  
  This is mY Clan.. Welcome To My Home. Starting LEft TO Right Top. My younger sister Annie, Then Of course That would be me, My Xander, My sister Ash. Next to her is Kitty and A the end with the mummy 's foot out his legs is Moosie Fate. On the bottom is My Niece Stinky, Then my hubby Tal, and mY friend barb on the end.

  Big Belle.. LIttle Belle

There you go. A few new pics of me and a few pictures of the henna that we did earlier this week. The hand is barb. The one on the back is kitty and the scorpion is of course me!

1. Costume Designer

2. Set Designer

3. Music Teacher / Instructor

4. Special Effects Technician

5.Sign Maker

6. Animator

7. Fashion Designer

8.Desktop Publisher

9. Actor

10.
Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator

11.
Computer Trainer

12.
Personal Trainer

13.
Adoption Counselor

14.
Magician

15.
Director of Photography

16.
Elementary School Teacher

17.
Teacher Assistant

18.
High School Teacher

19.
Early Childhood Educator

20.
Nanny

21.
Graphic Designer

22.
Artist

23.
Musician

24.
Casting Director

25.
Comedian

26.
Special Education Teacher

27.
Furniture Finisher

28.
Picture Framer

29.
Potter

30.
Medical Illustrator

31.
Composer

32.
Upholsterer

33.
Corporate Trainer

34.
Craftsperson

35.
Jeweler

36.
Autobody Repairer

37.
ESL Teacher

38.
Foreign Language Instructor

39.
Pet Groomer

40.
Computer Animator

You scored as Switch, You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner. </td> Switch 100% Experimental 89% Bondage 82% Submission 50% Domination 50% Degradation 43% Exhibitionism and Voyeurism 36% Vanilla Sex 36% Sadism 32% Masochism 25% Do you have an inclination for BDSM? created with QuizFarm.com

If you can't eat them.. Then why are they made of meat and treasure?

I know i know its been over a damn month and not a word from the crazied momma. Thats because i haven't been able to sit down and write mostly because well things have been to damn busy.. I have been trying to get ready for school now that im on the second day. Things are fine with the baby just busy mostly. I have to set up appointments and get things moving in that direction for medicade and with daycare for Xander and all of that. SO its just one bullshit after another and more hoops to jump through. im not really excited about it.. Ok i really hate doing it but things are at least good and ok..

Well mostly the ok part. I have been cleaning house, great i have a nesting syndrome already i hate having things out of places and tripping over things. Im already ungraceful and feel fat and pokey . ( careful you might be grossed out! ) notice the nice fat roll on the bottom. Im sorry if that kind of makes you sick but trust me i have to look at this thing every time i look DOWN.. I kind of hate this already that im feeling kind of fat and hopeless... I mean hell i can't even seem to be happy about it and im on happy drugs!! NOW DON"T GET ME WRONG IM NOT UPSET ABOUT THE PREGNANCY IM UPSET BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE MY BODY LOOKS LIKE SHIT!

They say it takes you three years to recover from a pregnancy in my luck i have only had the one 1.5 years and well xander did a hell alot of streching. Heck it loks like my belly has poc marks in it because of all the strech marks.... The otehr thing im kind of in downs about is clothing.. (Yes im allowed to have a girly moment every now and then) I have finally gotten clothes that fit and that work for me and well now im going to be getting big again and in that time frame i didn't really cared what i looked like but now.. IM kind of consious of it because well im working towards a professional feild and damn it its about time to start caring about what i look like! Though i don't have to impress anyone abut i do like to impress my husband every once and a while... *Sighs*

So im back to clothes shopping. IM trying to plan to have a baby shower and a blessing way so that everyone can help participate in making the belly casting. That way too i can invite everyone who isn't ok with my religion and with my way of raising my child. I just hope that i can get jenna here... We will see what works out.

But i have to get a shirt on and get out the door we are going to see if can't get a house for Kitty so i can get him his present of having a kitty!!! LOl.. Ill post more later about wee one being here and doing some clean up on the friends list and journal

Kiss
The PRetty Little Thing

FIrst im going to start with is a meme From kara_called I have to name 10 things that mean something to Me and they have to start with the letter L if you want to play just leave me a comment and Ill leave you a letter

1. Love -- With me I love just being loved. Whether its loved on, or being just loved in general it makes me happy inside
2. Letters --I like both the litter as in getting mail because i love getting mail even if its just random pieces of mail and i like the symbol letters too because you can string them together in many ways to make up random things
3.LIttle Kids  --obviously i enjoy these because i am going to be having two. I also like kids that are younger because they have a better imagination.
4. Lady Kat-- THis is my sister and i loves her Enough Said
5.LIfe-- I enjoy life mostly, well i try to.. I live by one saying and it is "NO regrets" on anything that happens. ITs true if you had made those choices you made them for a reason. ANd if you regret them then you are regretting what got you to this point in the first place.
6.Lust-- What Can i say I enjoy the sex, even when its in books :d
7.Lacuna COil --- THis is my favorite band.. They are from Italy and i got to meet them once at a Rob Zombie Concert . IT ROCKED
8.LIcking --- I hate being licked. Why im not really sure, it doesn't bother me if its animals but man if a person licks me i usually want to punch them!!
9.Laughter-- to me this is the best sound in the world, exspecially my sons laughter while he is being tickled. I love to laugh as well because it makes my eyes smile
10. LIving Rooms-- TO me this room is the most comfortable one in the house, most of the time you find me hanging out in my livingroom just hanging on the couch..

WEll how about an update on how im doing as well ended with a nice wee of a Rant about once again Plus Sized Women

I am well. My "Wounds" have all healed from surgery and i am working better at full tilt. I had my review at work and all the stuff that was bothering me about my GM has finally come out in the wash. Granted there are still things this man does that bothers the hell out of me but now both of us are making a consious effort to try and work out these issues because well we both like working there and we actually used to enjoy working together... So who knows. I have two months to work on the problems i have and I should be set up for a raise. So who knows how it will go.. I hope well i like my job and really don't want to leave. THough finding maternity Kakies are going to SUCK!

Speaking of which. Yes i am still pregnant and no it wasn't an eptopic. THANK THE GODDESS. THey finally gave me a due date March 26th 2008. THis is something that i find amusing mostly because well this will be the year date after having my car accident... Something happy to remember that date by i guess. I am doing well. They are already harping on me that im not to gain over 35 lbs because i am over my BMI because i haven't quiet recovered from the last pregnancy. They say it takes 3 years for your body to recover im only up to 15 months. And then add on top i had major surgery for this cyst so im already a High risk pregnancy! *whines* im not going to like this i think.

THough i swear if one more person asks me if im ok being pregnant and going to school ill knock heads.EXcuse me guys how do you think i did it the last time!!  *sighs* the only bad part about this is that well I have to see if i can set up with DSS and get some help moving around later in the year and all because this baby is going to be born in the middle of a semester and im not going to take it off because im so close to finishing i don't want to wait another year! Damn it i want to graduate!!!!!!!!!

NOw on to my rant. I was looking in my plus sized catalogs because well as soon as about oh DEC im going to need bigger clothes and most of that has to be some stuff i can wear for work and all. But as im cruising through these magazines im noticing that well THESE WOMEN ARE NOT PLUS SIZED they are all SIZE 8 WTF!!! Who the hell knows but its a little disheartening when i want to buy fat clothes. *Sighs*

I know i know i know im not fat im pregnant and already i am feeling the worst out of shape i have in a while because im in that stage where im tired all the time, hell i have been sleeping through my alarm clock just because i am so tired. Thank the goddess that well Xander wakes up before 9 when i have to work. I think sometimes he knows. LOL

There you all have it thats me in a nut shell right now
Fat
Frumpy
Grumpy
And
TIRED!

But thats me..
The PRetty Little Thing

if you cant see the pic look at the link http://ohmygods.timerift.net/strips/2007/07/15.php

It never seems to fail that you have one good day but then you have several bad hours that make the good day worth nothing anymore. I sat down yesterday when my internets weren't working and made a list of all the shit that is bothering me. You should see the fucking list. better yet i think ill just work on the list in here, why don't i start with the for most thing that is bothering me... Bro....

Granted we are all allowed to be real jerks at a time, but im tired of his addittude towards me and towards kitty. Granted yeah i couldn't take him and rachel dating because i couldn't see the other without the other ALL The time. I wanted to be able to see them apart as well as together. But now every time he is over here he leaves and goes to hang out with her. He says i put to many demands on him and that i am just being a jerk towards him and giving him bad vibes. Since we have been fighting over this bull i have tired every time im around him to include him in what we are doing. Going to dinner, just playing a game over at the house, Hell i even asked him to go shopping with me because i didn't want him to sit by himself at the house and be bored. Ok so now he is working great money coming!!  so i won't see him pretty much at all we have different scheduals and i still have these mean vibes coming from him. I hate it. I miss being able to talk to him, he gets pissed off when something is bothering me and i don't tell him and he gets mad when i do tell him. I can't fucking win! I really just want to beat my head into a wall. I can't even begin to go into the "other" stuff because this isn't the right journal for that and im about ready to kill something. I miss being close and i miss for all fucking hell of a  time being able to talk to him. Im so frustrated im about ready to say fine, you know what, you win.. Ill back away and unless you want/need me to do something for you or for rachel then ill be there if not i guess you and i don't need to be around each other. Doesn't mean its not going to hurt, damn it hurts right now venting and getting angery about it. I feel like im going to cry again and im really tired of crying. 

Next

We didn't do much for the 4th we went to the parade i am crispy fried because my dad decided that he wanted to take my seat and that i would have to take his so they moved mine over to the other side where the sun was coming in. My back looks about 5 times darker then my front. We didn't go to the fireworks last night even though i wanted to because kitty and Tal had to work in the morning and Xander had to go to bed. It kind of suck because well, i felt kind of cheated it was the 4th and didn't that mean you were suppose to watch things go boom?  I flet kind of cheated on what the whole forth was about.

Next
This one is  a great big subject and sore spot for me.....my house...   ok my house work NOw that our storage unit it empty my house is all full of boxes. so full i cant move around in it at all.   hell i know the baby cant even move around in it.  So now i have to struggle to put my stuff away and work 30 hours a week. I know most would say thats the woman's job anyways because well i should be doing the house work. But when im doing house work at 930 at night when i should be going to bed doesn't make it any better.  Its a struggle to get tal to help me in house work as well. i feel like im fighting with him all the time to get him to pick up. I mean yea i might be home one day a week with xander and i should be albe to do most of the house work but hell i can't even get him to do the dishes without a fight and having to remind him all the time. I really don't know what to do. Its overwhelming and tiring and it also seems like. Ok so i keep xander one day a week with me. Mind you thats so we don't have to pay daycare extra money and he has to keep him on Sat while im at work. Its kind of just well overwhelming because while he is at work if stuff in the house doesnt get done then its my issue to deal with and no sorry hunni but i can't stand living in a hole anymore!  I take care of the finances, and well making sure bills get payed on time and making sure he has his money for his checking account and making sure we have food ect ect. I just want a freaking little help on the house work. You dont have to be mr. SupEr nannie but for fuck sake if you put something down put it back in the right place. YOUR MAGIC CARDS HAVE BoxES FOR A REASON!!! hell next time i thinking im getting a room for him and thats only where his geek stuff goes and im buying a lock for the door and i have the key so then he can't lock himself in there and never come out. He would try that one i would know that.   I dont' know what to do really, I have tired talking to his mom and all i get out of her is that we need to go to counciling and that will fix it.  but then again she is the one who does house work at her house. And i Really don't want to end up nerotic like my mom.

next
Friends--- i seem to have very few that i can hang out with. one being that well i work most weekends and most people don't have random days off the in the middle of the week. And when i do catch up with everyone they already have other plans, now im not saying thats a bad thing well but i understand everyone has other friends and all, i just miss being able to go and hang out. The other thing is every time it seems like someone wants to be around me im in the middle of cleaning house so i can't either stop what im doing and go with them or just well have to suck it up and realize i miss out yet again. im starting to hate this but thats what i get to be the responsiable mom.

Lastly Me
There has been one good thing with me. I am down to 198 lbs. I am only 10 lbs heavier then when i found out i was pregnant with Xander. Granted im pretty sure all of that if not more is in my F's but who knows. I am doing ok with that idea though most of my friends tell me i look heavier then that because of my boobs and because of my jeans and all. The way my fat ass is.  i seem to be slowing down my body by not really eating much. hell i have a slice of pizza and maybe something to eat for dinner when i come home. Thats about it really. I never get around to breakfast because i usually want that little extra bit of sleep but sometime i can't even manage to get that.
I thought about joining a gym here called curves and it looks really interesting the only problem is i don't know if im going to have a half hour 3 times a week i mean i could try and work it out so that i do.   I just have to keep myself motivated to do it. There in might be where the problem lies. Ill see what i can afford later this week after i get back from this weekend and we have bills all settled out.  Clothes suck right now there is no other way to up it. Suck right now because they are so damn expsensive and well i can't find an that work just right and are from this freaking time period! Hell i look great in about 50 clothes! *Sighs*
The last thing is i just feel like i should do more, i mean be a good friend, a good wife, a great mother, and just over run myself until i achieve all of those things. I know its an unrealistic goal and im stupid for thinking of it that why but in the end i guess i feel kind of like im being a little lazy fuck and just complaining.  Who knows maybe its just one of those days
I thought about including my problem with rachel in this entry but im hoping after our talk last night then maybe things will get better who knows..
The Pretty Little  Broken Thing

So how about a wee of an update from this crazed angel who lives in the basement of someone else's house, who has a baby and well in general is just on the crazy side. What could be going on with her? Well after a minor break down today because im so tired that its not even funny. I am feeling pretty good. One reason for that being is my mom came over today and helped... OK actually i mean help me bulldoze through the house. Im serious i have no more box pile by the living room and well I can find my bedroom and all my clothes are put away and everything.. Its kind of creepy to be this kinds of organized. We also managed to work on my living room and we have space and my mom was nice enough to hang up some of my pictures so that i don't have to look at blank walls. Though it sounds like we are going to be doing some painting around here though we have to paint kind of neutral colors like creams and whites but we can accent with color so im going to get a wee bit crazy with the fabric hell im even thinking of recovering both my couch pieces.  Anyone have some color suggestions?

what else has been going on. Well I bought a new car. Hehehe like you all didn't see that coming from anywhere. :D Its not the one i wanted unfortioanlly. They are recalling the Versa line for nissan apparently they are having some issues with it.  So.. Let me tell you my story. I was looking in the paper on Thursday and I 90 motors had another Toyota Matrix in it. So i called the guy on it. I said if you can get me finances ill try you at it. He said ok. A few hours later and after a few phone calls at work i talk to a nice lady called debbie from Valley. She said it was a hard loan to get approved for but she was going to help me out anyways. *SQUEE!! So great now ithough i had 1500 that i wanted to put down and well yeah i could afford that kind of payment. He was only asking 12900 for it. Sweet why not.. But i decided that i would try my luck. I told him i would give him 1000 down and if he could get it to 12400 i would take her. He went to talk to his boss. He got it to 12600 I was ok with that 1200 down and i was off with her... My payments are a little more then i wanted they are 236 a month but i opted to have an exstended warrenty on it so that it adds another 48000 miles or four years and it covers my engine and my trani. SWEET!   IM excited. I dont have a name for her yet and well i want to get custom plates. Ideas are welcome from everyone. I have to get unfortionally. I just wanted to write what i managed to accomplish today.  And my car..

Ill update more tommorrow.
Loves. Me